Long time no post

So I took some time off from blogging and got back online with the online dating thing.  It has now been a year since I rejoined the sites.  Yes, sites.  Better odds right??  You would think.  Here is what has happened so far:

6: the number of months I spent talking to a guy to only be "dumped"/"ditched" for another girl who he is now engaged too.

5: the number of guys I have talked to off the site

4: the number of co-workers I have found on the sites

3: the number of sites I am currently active on

2: the number of dates I have had from these sites.  Neither went well

I'm still keeping my eyes open off the site as well.  I know that he could be anywhere.  Its frustrating.  I was at a friends wedding a few months ago and the pastor joked that the bride had planned everything out for that day and that for years the only missing piece was the groom.  I feel that way sometimes.  I know what I want for my wedding and for my marriage, how many kids, names, pets. etc.  I'm only missing one important piece.  I know I can have some of those things without a man, but I want those things with someone.  I want to share my life with someone.

I have learned some things from my time back on the sites, but there are still some things I am trying to figure out.  This is why I'm returning to the blog.  Hopefully there are some other singles out there trying to navigate the dating world and we can all help each other out.

Valentine's Day aka Single's Awareness Day

So next week is one of the most loathed days of the year for singles and even for some couples. There's so much pressure to get the perfect gift for that significant other. Even couples who despise each other the rest of the year some how become all lovey dovey once February 14 rolls around.

I've never been in a relationship on Valentine's day and honestly I don't know if being in a relationship would change my view of Valentine's day. I would much rather get flowers on a random day, not on a day where every florist and grocery store has tripled the price of those same flowers. Why should florists and card companies dictate when you should declare your love for someone?

Single for the Holidays

So I have gone through another holiday season single again. The holidays are some of the worst times to be single it seems. I spent New Year's Eve with A going out to dinner and a movie. We also went out Christmas day to a movie. Having A has definitley helped being single lately. Without him I don't know what I would do.

The worst holiday is yet to come though. Valentine's day is every single woman's least favorite day of the year. Even though it's only 1 day, it seems that the stores start Jan 1 with decorations, so it feels more like 6 weeks of Valentine's instead of just one day.

On the plus side I have started my new years off pretty well with exercise and changing my eating habits.

Do the stars know?

I've never put a lot of faith in to my horoscope. I don't stay home if it says its going to be bad day, I don't play the lottery with the lucky numbers it gives me. I do look at general characteristics of people born under those signs, those do seem to have some validity. For example I was born January 24 and many books I have read state that I am an advice giver and don't like change. That is so spot on it's scary. I have also read the birthdays of my niece and nephew which are also very much right on target.

So today I was out shopping and walked into a store with some funky little accessories. They had a book there that you can find on fredflare.com called fortubne telling birthday book. I flip to the page wth my birthday and read it. The last line it says that I should marry someone with an interest in religion. That wasn't the exact line, but here is the odd thing. I flip to the birthday opf my current crush, first line is the exact same line as the last line on mybirthday. Things that make you go hmmm.

How much does astrology play a part in your every day life? Your love life?

How do you know what you want and where to find it

Many mothers tell their daughters that they will never meet a husband in a bar. If you are over the age of 25 you will remember a show from the 90s called Blossom and Blossom's friend Six played by the actress Jenna Von Oy. She did just that, she met a man in a bar and married him. It has to work for someone right? So many singles go to bars someone is bound to meet their other half there eventually. I guess it depends on the type of guy you are wanting to meet as most bars do attract specific type. If you're a straight laced church goer, the bar is probably not going to work. So who does the bar work for? I'm not the type to go to a bar by myself on a Saturday night. Usually I go to a bar with friends, which according to some women's magazines can be intimidating for men and most men will not approach a group of women. So maybe the bar scene isn't for me. So then where? I go to church on a regular basis, but where I go doesn't seem to attract most single 20 something men.

How do you know it's time to change part of your search criteria? On my first post I listed some of the things I'm looking for. That has changed over the past few years due to age and experience. Most men my age that I have found have one of the following 3 that are on things that I don't want list: an ex wife, a child or children, or are smokers. I love children, but I know that dating someone who has a child can lead to drama. If there is a child there is also an ex-wife or baby mama. I have known women who use the child as a pawn in the game they are playing with their ex. I don't want to play that game. I know how that game affects the child and the parents, its not always a good ending.

As far as just having an ex-wife, that brings a lot of questions to my mind for him. Why did it end? Could the divorce have been prevented? Did one or both involved just give up and stop trying to make it work? I don't know how I would feel marrying someone who has been there before.

As for smokers, I think I may give up on this as a deal breaker because it is something that can change. I know you can't change someone, but is asking someone to quit something for health reasons asking them to change who they are? How would you feel if the person you were in a relationship with asked you to change a bad habit? Would you be offended? Would it depend on what habit they asked you to change? I know that I could stand to lose some weight and exercise more. Maybe if your SO gave you incentive to change and helped you with the change, would that make it better?

As always feedback and venting are welcome!

How does this all work again?

I think the online dating thing has hindered me in my finding someone the old fashioned way. Usually when you find someone online that catches your eye there is a page of information on them. Age, location, music interests, favorite movies, religious beliefs, what kind of person they are looking for, smoker, drinker, etc. When you meet someone the old fashioned way, you have to ask questions to get that kind of information, they don't hand you a resume. Meeting someone the old fashioned way it may take a few dates before the person you are dating drops a major deal breaker bomb, where as you may find out the same information just by looking at a profile for less than a minute.

So when you do find someone that catches your eye out in the real world, what do you do? Flirt immediately? Try to be friends first? Interrogate them to get as much information as possible to decide if they are worth your time? Not everyone who is single is looking, so if you do find someone who catches your eye how do you find out if they're looking or if they're a "it'll happen when it happens" type? Can a "it'll happen when it happens" type be changed? One of the first people to catch my eye during this experiment is one of these types. He's a coworker, but we're on different schedules. It's rather frustrating knowing that he's not really interested in anything, possibly even me. It's hard to get to know someone in such little time. He's a private type when asked questions about himself, not one to jump into a conversation when other coworkers talk about their weekend plans. Online dating has not prepared me for this type of situation. Any advice is welcome as is any venting about dating in general.

Bad Timing?

So only 4 days into this and I'm starting to wonder if my experiment is bad timing. Holidays are fast approaching and I have 4 friends getting married next year. One of them is having an engagement party at the end of the month. The invite was addressed to every single girls least favorite, your name and guest. Seeing as everyone I know at this party will have a date I don't want to be odd girl out. Even if I met someone this week by chance, less than 3 weeks of knowing each other is a little soon to be asking them to attend a big friend function like that. I could fall back to my friend A. We get along great, have a fun together, can read each other's mind, finish each other's sentences, etc. Why am I not dating A? He's gay. Honestly if he wasn't I would have clubbed him over the head and drug him to a little chapel in Vegas by now.

This weekend was uneventful as far as dating/looking goes. I went out with friends Saturday to a bar to hear a local 80's cover band play. I was asked the following morning if there were any single men there. I am assuming there were single men, it's not like they wear signs. It got me thinking though, wouldn't it be nice if people did. Something like Harry Potter's scar with a single letter, S for single, T for taken, M for married. That would make life so much easier, in theory. Does it really make it any easier when you know right away that the guy you think is cute is single, but know for a fact he is out of your league? Somethings are better off left a mystery.